Fleeting Eternity
by Hazuki Goldair
Summary: Sakura is always waiting for him. Those brief encounters of fate keep her going. After all, she loves him. And that is enough. Post-manga.


Having lived all her life in the desert, feeling the sand grate between the fabric of her clothes and her skin didn't bother the princess. The scorching heat from the rays of the setting sun was only slightly more tolerable than the chill of night that would come if she waited atop the ruins any longer. Yet her emerald eyes still scanned the horizon, hoping to see the anomaly she had dreamt the night before. Any minute now, there would be a miniature whirlwind of sand and light. The signal that they'd finally come back. It had been more than eighteen months since he'd left. Wanting to see him the moment he arrived in Clow Country, Princess Tsubasa—Sakura—waited.

Would he still be the same? Messy, chocolate brown hair, intelligent amber eyes, and inquisitive gentle smile? How much time would have passed for him and his traveling companions? What worlds did they visit? Was he any closer to finding a way to bring back the two souls who had been his parents—the people who in some bizarre twist of fate were really themselves?

There! Sand swirled chaotically. Lights flashed as a portal was formed, bridging Clow Country with another world. Two men and a teenage boy appeared, but Sakura had already started running towards them. When she felt she was within shouting distance, she greeted, "Fai-san! Kurogane-san! Mokona-san!" She arrived in front of them, doubled over and panting for lost breath.

"Good evening—or is it morning?—Sakura-hime," the mage greeted back.

"You could've waited for us at the palace or something," the black ninja reproached; his way of showing affection for the green-eyed princess.

Sakura noticed how exhausted they looked. The clothes she had given them before they began their journey over a year ago were dingy and torn. The blues and greens she had adored were now faded.

But her attention was diverted when she heard his smooth—still boyish—voice say, "We're back." He wore a tentative smile, unsure of what to do next. Sakura took matters into her own hands, smiling brightly at him before hugging him fiercely, whispering the three words she'd been longing to say since his departure all those months ago.

"Welcome home, Syaoran."

* * *

><p>It was another year before she saw him again. Like the previous time, she waited expectantly for him. She may or may not have hugged him so forcefully that they fell over into a pile of sand. The details were a little fuzzy, no matter how much she tried to commit every small occurrence to memory. But whenever Fai or Kurogane mentioned it throughout the next four days, she would blush furiously and vehemently deny that it ever happened.<p>

During the morning of the second day, Sakura was walking through the palace gardens, grasping the seventeen year old boy's hand tightly. He shared everything that had transpired during the last year (Sakura was glad that about the same amount of time had passed for the both of them), the worlds he had visited, the people he had met, and how the different cultures fascinated him. Sakura was content just listening to his voice, deeper than before, more of a man than a boy. But the same gentleness was there, the same love and devotion his voice spoke with when he talked to her.

A pang of sorrow coursed through Sakura's body as she thought of the various changes she'd missed during their time apart. He'd grown even taller, his lean frame had filled out, and his strong jawline had become more pronounced. It saddened the princess that she couldn't watch these changes gradually, but had to adjust her memory of his physical appearance each time she saw him now—because most of her memories were that of a young, introverted boy who was determined to save her from the ill fate that had come upon her. The boy she had irrevocably fallen for all those years ago.

"Then Fai kissed Kurogane—"

"He did _what_?" Sakura exclaimed, distracted from her own musings.

"Ah, so you _are _listening," he chuckled. "You looked distant, so I had to make sure."

The blush in her cheeks refused to leave as she mumbled, "Sorry."

He smiled gently at her, making her heart beat fractionally faster. "What were you thinking about?"

"You," she admitted. "I feel like I have to rememorize you every time I see you."

His smile became sad as he said, "It's the same for me. You've grown Sakura. Sometimes I don't recognize you, even though you're here beside me." He stopped walking, causing her to do the same. "I dream about you often, but my memories don't give you justice. I swear that you're more beautiful each time I see you." Sakura placed a hand on his cheek, directing his amber eyes toward her green ones. "No matter how many worlds I visit, one fact remains the same. I love you, Sakura."

"I love you too," she whispered, standing on her toes to reach him better as he leaned his face down to press his lips softly against hers. Something intensified within Sakura as she felt him smiling against her lips. The butterflies she hadn't felt in her stomach since she was fourteen were present again. And it was making her feel like she could float away. But the young man she had given her heart to kept her feet firmly planted on the ground.

* * *

><p>More than another year went by before he returned. He wore the clothes she had given him before he left the last time, since his previous green and white attire no longer fit his broader frame. The young auburn-haired woman spent every spare minute with him. And whenever Touya wasn't looking, she'd sneak to the roof of the palace to gaze at the stars with him by her side, hands clasped tightly together as the archaeologist imparted his knowledge of the heavens to her.<p>

Seeing all the stars in the sky, it seemed impossible to believe their world was the only one in existence. People living and breathing, pursuing hopes and dreams, families and friends, thoughts, feelings and emotions—things that made one alive. Sakura felt infinitesimally small compared to the vast heavens.

When Syaoran had finished his informative discourse, he began to play with Sakura's hand, tracing the lines in her palm, lightly pulling at her fingers and bending them unconsciously. Sakura giggled quietly as he continued to do this quite studiously. Closing her eyes, she immersed herself in feeling the touch of his calloused hand against her much softer one.

Sakura let out a gasp of surprise when she felt something cold slide over the knuckles of one of her fingers, turning towards Syaoran to see what could have caused it. He was smiling uncertainly, lifting their joined hands until she could see the band of shiny gold encircling the ring finger of her left hand sporting a single twinkling gem. Unbidden tears came, but her smile was brighter than the stars, as she whispered an answer to his unspoken inquiry: "Yes."

* * *

><p>At least two years passed before he returned. Sakura ignored her brother's entreaties to forget the "stupid brat" and to find a more suitable husband. But she wouldn't be deterred. "I love him," she replied simply, as if that was explanation enough. And for her, it was. So Sakura waited. She had been planning a simple affair during the two years he had been traveling. Just close friends and family, and a simple ceremony that would bind the two of them. No reception. No honeymoon. Just the start of a new chapter in their life together. She pointedly ignored the niggling doubts of how often they'd actually be together, focusing all her energies into thinking optimistically. She'd made up her mind, and nothing would change that.<p>

So of course when the traveling companions finally returned to Clow Country, Queen Nadeshiko surprised Sakura with the more extravagant plans she had prepared for her daughter and the young archaeologist's special day. The palace ballroom had been transformed into a festive wedding parlor, complete with hundreds of guests and well-wishers. Pink and white balloons were tied together with white streamers. Colorful tapestries adorned the walls and bouquets of fresh flowers were artfully arranged, accenting the various colors and perfumes. The adjoining room was decorated similarly, but tables groaned under the weight of rich delicacies and savory meats. The king and queen of Clow Country were determined to celebrate the wedding of their only daughter with as much pomp and circumstance as would suitably be allowed.

But Sakura wasn't paying attention to the decorations as Fujitaka led her down the aisle. Her green orbs were fixed on brown hair, amber eyes, and the smile on the tuxedoed young man. She blinked in surprise when she realized the impossibly long walk towards him was over and they now stood side by side before Clow Country's priest.

Yukito began the ceremony by welcoming everyone to the long-awaited matrimony between the princess and the young archaeologist. He went on to explain what made a successful marriage, how they would work together through the good and the bad times—Sakura wanted to argue that they'd been through all that and more—how they would share their strengths and bear one another's weaknesses.

The princess was beginning to fidget, which made Syaoran chuckle quietly before taking her hand in his to calm her nerves. Amusement shone in his eyes, but he gave a gentle smile. At that moment, she was surer than before that she would never love anyone's smile more than his. The way it could excite her heart, yet calm her soul was a conundrum. But she'd come to realize that it was a smile he shared only with her.

When Yukito finally arrived at the part Sakura had been eagerly awaiting, her excited squeal of "I do!" cut off what Yukito was in the middle of asking her, causing a subdued chuckle throughout the assembly. The smile on her face grew even bigger when she heard Syaoran's baritone echo her words.

Kurogane, acting as Syaoran's best man, handed the wedding band to the groom, with a gruff, "Congratulations, kid." Releasing Sakura's right hand he'd been holding for most of the ceremony, he faced her, taking her left hand and placing the simple band of gold next to the engagement ring he had given her two years before, saying, "I promise to never stop loving you. No matter what will happen to us, I swear I will come back."

Sakura's eyes were shining as she took the ring given to her by Mokona Soel—acting as mokona-of-honor—and put the wide golden band on Syaoran's left hand, promising, "Wherever you may go, even if death do us part, my heart will always belong to you." Then pausing to rethink her words, she amended, "Well, not _all _of it, because then I would be dead." The joke brought about the desired laughter from the guests throughout the hall. Amongst the din, Sakura quietly added, "Don't tell Touya-nii-chan, but you'll always be first in my heart." He sealed his promise with a tight squeeze of their hands before they both turned to face the priest again.

"Then without further ado," Yukito said, a twinkle in his brown eyes, "I pronounce you man and wife. But Syaoran-san…I'd hold off on the kissing until the onii-san is out of sight." Syaoran nodded, masking the alarm on his face as Sakura grabbed hold of his arm and ran hurriedly out of the room.

"Looks like Sakura-hime is eager to get that kiss," remarked Fai. "Guess this means we should start the reception, ne?" he asked the black ninja, who pointedly ignored him.

"Aww…is Kuro-pii crying because the two little ones are all grown up now?"

"Shut up."

* * *

><p>The reception was loud and boisterous, with many congratulations and wishes for a happy life together. But Sakura could see the doubt in their eyes, like they believed she was committing herself to something impermanent. It was true she'd never know when Syaoran would have to travel to the next world with Fai, Kurogane and Mokona, and until her dreams told her, she would never know when he would return. Yet, Sakura was happy with her choice. <em>He is mine, and I am his. No one can change that now<em>.

Satisfied that they had accepted everyone's greetings and felicitations, Sakura took the first possible moment to make an escape, towing the surprised amber-eyed young man behind her. Guessing that the bride—his _wife_, the thought warmed him—wanted a quiet place to be alone together, he wordlessly led her to the same roof where he had proposed. Together, they lay down on the tiles, the last rays of the setting sun glowing purples and pinks, the onset of the moon with the first stars making their appearance. The chill of the desert night brought an involuntary shiver throughout Sakura's body. But it had the desired effect of Syaoran wrapping his arms around her, bringing her back and shoulders against his warm chest, hands clasped together at the front of her waist.

She closed her eyes blissfully for several minutes, basking in his warmth. When her face began to feel cold, she shifted her body until she was facing him, and Syaoran loosed his hold to accommodate her movement. Sakura draped an arm across his neck, the other placed over his heart before he tightened his arms around her once more, evoking the feelings of protection and warmth.

Sakura smiled, closing her eyes again as she felt his heart pounding beneath her fingers, his breath lightly blowing across her face. She took an imperceptible sniff, delirious with the smell of his sandalwood and something so distinctly…_Syaoran_. She mumbled happily, causing the young man to chuckle when he heard the words "warm", "soft" and "wolfie".

The rumbling in his chest alerted Sakura back to consciousness. She had thought her blushing days were behind her, but she felt the heat in her cheeks rising once again at the look of love and adoration in his amber irises. But there was also a look of sadness within his eyes, and Sakura longed to do everything in her power to erase that.

"What's wrong?" she asked, moving the hand she'd rested over his neck to place it on his cheek.

"Nothing," he said unconvincingly. At the stare she gave him, he relented, "I mean…are you sure? What will happen to you after I leave again? How can you be willing to bind yourself to me when I'll never know the next time I'll be able see you? Or hold you in my arms. Or hear your voice calling my name. How do I know that I'm not causing you pain by marrying you without any idea how often I'll even be able to do my part as a husband?"

"You're saying all this _now_?" Sakura sighed in annoyance. "Baka. I love you. Don't you think I've thought about this for the last two years? If there was any doubt in my mind, I wouldn't have agreed to marry you today. Remember what I told you? Wherever you go, even if we never meet again, my heart will always belong to you."

Syaoran smiled. "And mine is yours," he promised, capturing her lips in a kiss leaving them both tingling and wanting more. Maybe they would have a honeymoon after all.

* * *

><p>Four. Four years of waiting. Yet Sakura never lost hope. Her smile was always present on her face, though at times it seemed a bit forced. Even Touya could see how much she missed the "brat", but she hid it behind a façade of cheerfulness and the occasional exclamation of "Sakura no kaijuu!" He grudgingly admitted that someone else helped to keep up her happy disposition.<p>

For a young woman of twenty-four years, Sakura was acting like a twelve year old as she ran about the palace squealing, "Tonight! He'll be here tonight!" and scaring several of the servants, most of them aware of who _he_ was. Everyone was happy for her. They were relieved that he had come back at all. Fate could be a cruel and fickle thing, and it wouldn't be unlikely that circumstances would make it so that the princess would never see her husband again, after only being together for six days of their four years (and several months) of marriage.

When Mokona appeared with the three men in tow, Sakura failed to restrain herself from hugging each one fiercely, professing how much she had missed them and planting a kiss on the lips of the bright amber-eyed man.

Touya felt the urge to tear off the arms of the man holding tightly onto his little sister (who ever said the kaijuu was married to a brat like him?), claiming her lips like some kind of rich satisfying delicacy, but was stopped by the boy standing beside him, asking in a too-serious-to-really-be-a-kid voice, "Why is Okaa-san kissing that man?"

Hearing the voice, Syaoran broke off the kiss to stare at the boy, who was glaring back at the man who had—as it seemed to him—assaulted his mother. Syaoran looked toward his wife, gaping wordlessly at her while she serenely smiled back at him. His embarrassment deepened hearing the chuckling of the two older men behind him.

"Looks like he really _did_ become a man that night, eh Kuro-rin?"

"Guess so," Kurogane grunted.

Syaoran looked at Sakura, stammering, "B-But…how?"

"Well, Syaoran-kun, when a man and a woman love each other very much—" Fai began.

The red in his cheeks turned a darker shade as Syaoran cried out in frustration, "That's not what I meant!"

Sakura laughed good-naturedly at his expense. She had missed hearing his voice, knowing that her memory couldn't recall it as well as she would have liked. "There's someone you should meet, Syaoran," she began, bending low to beckon the boy still beside Touya. He walked wordlessly towards her, wearing the most serious face she had ever seen. She had to suppress a laugh at the resemblance between the two brown-haired males.

When the young boy had reached them, Sakura wrapped an arm around his small frame and spoke loud enough for those closest to hear, "Suzaku, remember how I always said your father would come back one day?" The boy nodded. Sakura gestured to the taller man as she continued, "I want you to say hello to your father." The boy looked up and scrutinized this "father" person before he passed judgment.

"He's tall," was the final verdict, making Sakura laugh, which Syaoran joined in after overcoming his initial shock. The latter squatted so that he was eye level with the young boy—his son, he reminded himself.

They had the same chocolate brown hair, their messy locks refusing to be tamed by any comb. But it was the boy's eyes that made Syaoran smile. They were a shade darker than his mother's, but the resemblance was striking. His son…their son. He'd never felt more proud than at that moment. But shame welled up within him as he asked, "How old are you Suzaku-kun?"

Serious green eyes stared at him, pondering the intent behind the question before deeming it was safe to answer, "Three and a half." Syaoran's fears were confirmed. While Sakura had waited four years for him to return, it had been a year less than that for him. How could she continue to smile so brightly at him when he'd been gone for all that time? How could she act so cheerful when she knew this would only last for a few days?

Sensing his worries, Sakura placed a hand on her husband's arm, assuring him, "I'm just glad you're here now. Safe and sound." He nodded, uncertain about the price he had agreed to pay all those years ago. Was it really worth it? He was no closer to finding an answer than before his journey began. But then he looked again at the people who were his family, and he was surprised to discover that none of the love he began to feel for his son overshadowed any bit that he held for his wife. It was like his heart had grown bigger to accommodate the both of them.

He smiled at them both. "I love you." His unspoken words were understood by both mother and son: _I'm sorry_.

* * *

><p>Memories faded faster. His smell, the way his hair moved in the wind, the way he used to walk through the shifting desert sand—it was becoming harder for Sakura to recall. Eleven years since Syaoran first met his son. Almost eight years since his last disquieting visit. But she did her best for the sake of Suzaku and the (not so) new addition to the Li family.<p>

She was a welcome surprise to the princess of Clow Country. The life and light she radiated kept Sakura from dwelling in some place other than the present. It was her eyes, Sakura had eventually realized. They were the same warm shade of amber brown. Even if she forgot most everything else about him, she would always remember the eyes that lived on through their daughter. Kobato.

Suzaku was very protective of his seven year old sister, acting much like Touya at that age. Sakura was struck by how alike Touya and Syaoran were—both stubborn and protective, great at any physical prowess, and the inability to fully express their emotions. And seeing Suzaku behave just like them made Sakura want to laugh and cry at the same time.

But right here and now, Sakura was content to sit in the small dwelling of her husband's first home in Clow Country, watching her children while enveloped by her husband's embrace. She reminded herself to thank Watanuki-kun for his help in returning her husband for the brief amounts of time the shopkeeper could manage. She feared that Syaoran's visits would be even fewer if it weren't for her husband's other self.

"She looks just like you," Syaoran said, watching their daughter huff in annoyance at her older brother when he refused to let her play with the strange device—something called a "Super Soaker"?—Syaoran had brought back from another world. "Acts just like you too."

Sakura nodded her head, adding, "But she has your eyes." Syaoran hummed in agreement.

"Okaa-san! Otou-san!" exclaimed the bright-eyed girl. "Tell Suzaku-nii-chan that it's my turn!"

"No it's not," protested the young teenage boy. "You already had a chance to play with it. Besides, you're too young."

"No fair!" Kobato exclaimed, stamping a foot in her childish indignation.

Syaoran chuckled while Sakura placated the two children, "Suzaku-kun, remember to share. Kobato-chan, you'll be able to play with the—" she paused to recall the name of the peculiar toy.

"You can play with the water gun in a few minutes, Kobato," Syaoran said, coming to his wife's rescue. The light brown-haired girl nodded her head in understanding, running after her brother when he decided to take the toy outside.

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief when conflict had been avoided. "It usually takes me longer to calm the both of them. You really have a way with children," she praised her husband.

"I think I'm more of a novelty for them," Syaoran admitted sadly. "They're used to their mother, knowing what to say to get what they want. They haven't learned the best approach to use their innocent, manipulative ways on the father they barely know. Especially after the way Suzaku acted the last time I was here."

Sakura looked at the guilt raging in his amber eyes. "You can't blame yourself for that. Suzaku was only seven years old. His grandparents had died the month before." She forced a smile on her face in order to ignore the dull pain that remembrance brought. "He doesn't hate you, Syaoran. Really. He just…isn't sure how to act around you. Besides, he's been warming up to you over the last few days."

"I wonder how much you bribed him to do that," Syaoran muttered, receiving a playful slap on the arm.

"Stop that," Sakura said. "You're still their father. One day, Kobato-chan and Suzaku-kun will understand why things are the way they are. Just be grateful for the times we can share together."

He was about to respond when a yelp from outside caught their attention. Sakura bolted from her seat—Syaoran's lap—to see what all the commotion was about, the brown-haired man following after her. Once outside, they saw Suzaku holding up the toy gun, a guilty look in his eyes, and young Kobato whimpering face-first in the dirt.

"I didn't do it," Suzaku defended, though his voice betrayed that this wasn't entirely true. Sakura walked to Suzaku, asking for his version of what had happened while Syaoran knelt beside the prostrate Kobato.

"Does it hurt?" Syaoran asked in a quiet voice, swallowing a lump in his throat at the sight of his daughter, disheveled from the fall and quavering sobs racking her body. Wishing he could make the pain go away, he gingerly lifted up the small girl, placing her on his lap, and proceeded to wipe away her dirt- and tear-stained cheeks. "Is that better?" he asked, feeling relieved at her small nod, but still unsure of what to do. "Can you tell…otou-san," the title sounded foreign to his own ears, "what happened?"

Kobato nodded again, took a deep breath, and with a voice that sounded like tears would break out again at any minute, "I was playing with Suzaku-nii-chan. He made water come out of the toy, and I had to run away without getting hit. But then the water hit me in the face, and I fell down." She sniffled. "It hurt."

Syaoran ached seeing his precious daughter suffering—even from such trivial injuries children experienced daily during playtime—but felt helpless as he continued to rock her back and forth in his arms, soothing her with hushed words of peace and comfort.

By that time, Sakura had heard a similar version from Suzaku and determined that the "Super Soaker" needed a break from both children. Thus when Fai, Kurogane and Mokona showed up, they found Sakura wielding a bright plastic weapon, Syaoran cradling a dirt-streaked Kobato and a remorseful Suzaku.

"Looks like we missed some great battle," Fai observed, after a failed attempt to whistle. "So who won?"

"This," Sakura said, holding out the toy gun. "Apparently its waters can bring grown men to tears." Kurogane had to keep himself from guffawing when the auburn-haired woman pulled the trigger and a stream of water hit Fai square in the face.

"Now really, Sakura-chan," Fai said, water dripping off his chin, "is that any way to treat your babysitters?" The princess of Clow Country smiled innocently at him. "You've become sneaky while we were gone," Fai teased. "I guess your punishment will be that we will kidnap these two young ones and let the parents worry if they'll ever see their precious ones again. Quick, Kuro-tan!"

The black ninja remained, choosing to watch the blond mage as he made a grab for Suzaku, the boy too confused to protest. Seconds went by as the mage waited for Kurogane to take his own "hostage" before he finally gave up with a muttered "stubborn Kuro-daddy" and amended his earlier words, "Quick, Kurogane-san. Rescue the young princess before the cursed water makes its mark on her!"

Releasing a grunt, the black-haired man walked calmly towards Syaoran and the young girl who was looking at him with childlike curiosity. The amber-eyed man set the awestruck girl on her feet and watched in good humor as she took the final step towards Kurogane, grasping several fingers of his large hand in her much smaller one, and in her trusting little girl voice and a brilliant smile on her face, "My face got wet from the toy and then I fell on the ground and got dirty. But I only cried a little." The brown-eyed girl giggled as though this was a normal occurrence. "Will you tell me a story, Kuro-tan?"

Kurogane's natural response to the nickname was to growl, but it was cut short when he felt the pressure around his captured fingers tighten ever so slightly. He was gone the moment he looked at her expectant amber gaze. "What kind of story, Kobato-hime?" The ninja had to direct a threatening glare toward his compatriot when he heard a snort come from the other man.

"A story about how a princess meets a boy and they become friends! And the princess has magic! And there's a fire dragon!"

"Uh…" unsure of how to respond to her eager requests, "Once upon a time there was a princess. Er, her name was…Kobato-hime. Everyone loved her, especially her parents, her older brother and the brave knight Kurogane who vowed to protect the young princess from all harm—" Fai snorted and Kurogane gave him a threatening glare. "There was also an overgrown pixie who thought it was funny to make fun of others' stories. But the annoying fairy soon died from overexposure to a steel blade."

Fai pouted. "Isn't that a little gory for a children's story, Kuro-puu?"

Kurogane ignored the blond as Mokona babbled, "What about Mokona? Is Mokona in this story? Mokona wants to be the guardian of all the sweets in the castle. And when there are dessert-thieves, Mokona will blast them all away with Mokona's 108 Secret Skills."

Meanwhile, Kurogane walked towards Fai, Suzaku and Mokona while Kobato firmly grasped his hand. "One day the young princess was visiting a nearby stream looking for polished stones. Finding only rough pebbles, she met a young boy…" The four continued walking, Sakura and Syaoran watching them until they were out of sight.

Sakura finally broke the silence, asking, "How do they do it? How do they continue each day without feeling overwhelmed? Isn't it lonely? Fai-san doesn't have anyone waiting for him, but Kurogane-san has been making Tomoyo-hime wait all these years. You three are so strong while I feel so useless. Touya has been keeping the country together since our parents' deaths. He has Yukito to help him. But I still refuse to go back to the palace. I've completed my rites as priestess of Clow, yet I do nothing. I…" Her voice broke to prevent the choking sobs that threatened to spill out.

Syaoran said nothing as he stood up to wrap his arms around her shaking shoulders, resting his chin atop her head when she buried her face into his neck, rubbing gentle circles into her back.

"I miss you so much," Sakura continued, stopping every few words to release a shaky breath in attempt to regain control over her tears. "It hurts when you're not here. I feel myself coming apart at the seams. The only thing keeping me together is that I remember I have to be strong for Suzaku-kun and Kobato-chan. But sometimes it isn't enough." Her knees gave out as she crumpled to the ground. Syaoran followed, refusing to let her go. "Didn't we suffer enough, Syaoran? Why must painful things continually plague our lives? Why?"

"I don't have all the answers," Syaoran began, voice quiet from emotion. "But I know you are the bravest woman I have ever met, and I am grateful for all our years together, for letting me love you. I'm glad for your existence. Suzaku and Kobato too. No matter where I go, you three will always be my world, the reason I continue this painful journey. You make the price worth it."

Hours later when the "babysitters" had returned to put the sleepy children to bed, the princess and archaeologist were still in that position—arms wrapped tightly around each other, feeling that the moment of release would be bring new heartache and loneliness that neither of them were yet ready to face.

* * *

><p>"I hate you," his quiet voice, anger brimming at the edges, spoke volumes to the man standing before him. The much older man grimaced at the cold glare from his son's face. Syaoran thought that such a hateful gaze did not fit the green eyes inherited from his mother. What would happen if another set of green eyes looked at him like that? He couldn't blame them though, no matter how much it was out of his control.<p>

Suzaku stood before the man he refused to acknowledge as his father, fists clenched at his sides. But no matter what he thought about the man who had "abandoned" his family, nothing changed the fact that it was too cruel that the amber-eyed man brought obvious happiness to his grief-stricken mother during a time as this.

Nine years was too long for a wife to wait for her husband's return. It had felt even longer during the last two years as illness ravaged the bright-eyed and energetic Kobato. It seemed unfair that Syaoran had been able to return only a week after death had claimed their precious daughter. To add insult to injury, the time that had passed for Syaoran was half of what Sakura had to endure.

Syaoran continued staring at his son, a man in his early twenties beginning his responsibility as Touya's heir. There were so many things Syaoran wished to convey to his son, including how sorry he felt that things happened the way they did. But the past couldn't be changed. The things that mattered were learning from past mistakes and trying not to repeat them. So instead, Syaoran waited patiently for his son to speak. Feelings of abandonment, frustration and anger that had years to fester in his son's mind and would not be contained. The sense of betrayal and loss, the lack of a father in his life, the sorrow from the recent passing of his sister, the helplessness he felt to aid his mother during her moments of despair—Syaoran could guess a few more of his son's feelings.

Finally breaking the silence, Suzaku asked bitterly, "Why do you even bother to come back?" The green-eyed young man noticed Sakura's hands tighten around the arm of the older man and felt an urge to punch the wall. "Your brief visits are pointless. All they manage to do is rekindle hope. The moment you leave again, she'll be crushed!" he yelled, pointing to the woman whose auburn locks had gained more than a few grey hairs over the years.

Syaoran gazed sadly at his son before turning to look at the woman beside him, the woman who gave him hope during his endless journeying. Even though he spent such small amounts of time sporadically through the last quarter century with her, he still felt awed by her, that she was actually his. Truthfully, he feared there would be a time when he would come back to find that Sakura had finally listened to her brother's advice to find a new husband. Someone who could constantly be by her side, and it broke Syaoran's heart to realize that it would be for the best. The best for Sakura. He couldn't keep hurting Sakura by making her continually wait for him. He'd rather die, though he realized that would be overdramatic and Sakura would never forgive him for it. Imagining the adorable pout on Sakura's face if he told her his thoughts made Syaoran want to laugh. But this wasn't the time. Instead, he looked back at Suzaku whose face hardened at the lack of response from the former.

But it was Sakura who spoke next. "I understand your feelings, Suzaku-kun. I won't deny that I'm not the happiest person during the times of Syaoran's absence. And these last few years have been especially painful." She choked back a sob at the memory of Kobato's smiling face, assuring her mother that the pain was tolerable. "But it was my choice. A decision where I knew the consequences long before they happened. And I wouldn't change a thing if I had to go back and do it all over again."

Sakura held her petite body erect as she continued, "Even if this is the last time I can see Syaoran, I will treasure each memory. He holds a special place in my heart, just like you and…and Kobato. I would never trade my time for something that would have been less painful. Because I know that despite all the pain, loneliness and heartache, everything will be all right. I am sure about that."

There were tears in her emerald eyes as she said, "I want what's best for you, Suzaku-kun. I know you want the same for me, which is why you think the way you do about your father. But what I want you to understand is that without us, Syaoran would be alone." She glanced at the amber-eyed man, wearing a sad smile. "Without us, there would be nothing to tie him to this world. I probably would have lost him long ago."

Suzaku felt helpless as he saw his mother shaking from suppressed sobs, but could only watch as Syaoran gathered the seemingly frail woman into his arms. _You deserve so much better, __'kaa-san__. Someone to always hold you like that. I just want that look of sadness to never come into your eyes again.__ Once he leaves and the reality of Kobato's death sinks in, what will you do?_

Sakura regained enough composure to say, "So even though it's painful, I must continue to believe that Syaoran will always return." Her emerald green eyes pleaded, staring intensely at his darker green irises. "Please, Suzaku-kun. Believe in him too."

Dropping his head in defeat, Suzaku said, "These are precious moments you can spend together, right? Kobato wouldn't have wanted you to be worried over the things I've said. She'd want you to be happy."

He turned on his heel, leaving the room without a second glance so that the tears could escape unnoticed from his parents. "I'm sorry." He paused at the words of the man he resentfully recognized as his father before nodding in acknowledgement.

Syaoran kept repeating those words, even though Suzaku had already left. But Sakura understood he was apologizing to all of them. To Suzaku and Sakura. To Kobato. To himself. Wordlessly, she allowed the normally stoic man to bury his head into her neck, feeling the water run across her shoulder and down her back as the tears leaked from his eyes. Much later she would realize her own face had matching streaks.

* * *

><p>The wind blew gently. He wondered if there was more significance than shifting air currents. He liked to think that was true, imagining that the wind on his face was really her caress, telling him that everything would be all right. Even though he felt like nothing would ever be right again.<p>

He still remembered how it felt last time, so many years ago. It felt like another life, which maybe it had. But the feelings were the same as now. Alone. Out of place. Like his existence was an enigma, creating a hole in the fabric of the universe. But last time, he'd had others to keep him tied to reality. He had continued his journey in the hopes to bring back the two he had lost. Bring back a part of his soul. Because he was still alive while his parents had "never existed".

If it hadn't been for Sakura, he was positive he would have stopped trying to continue such a lonely existence. Without friends by his side, he would have given up long ago. He thought he had been alone when his other self—his clone, his father—disappeared in that void allowing Syaoran and Watanuki to escape. But that loneliness was nothing compared to this.

Fai and Kurogane let him go by himself, claiming their old bones couldn't make the journey through the desert, despite the fact that Fai looked no older than when they had first met and Kurogane was as spry as ever regardless of his aged body. But Syaoran understood that they were letting him have this time to himself. They knew he wanted it, so they left him alone without a word of reproach.

"I should have been here," Syaoran murmured, his eyes never leaving the slab of marble. "I wanted to always protect you. See your smile. Wipe away your tears. Watch our children grow. Together." His hand gripped the small patches of grass beneath him. "Forgive me, Sakura. I know I don't deserve it. I understand if you hate me for not being able to come back until now." He closed his eyes, shutting out the light from the sinking sun, ignoring the warmth of its rays. Releasing a shaky breath, he said, "It must have been lonely, those last fifteen years."

He felt the tears pricking his eyes. "Suzaku's married now. About time, if you ask me. He's almost as old as me now." He released an empty chuckle. "His wife is expecting too. A girl. Can you believe it? But you've probably been watching him these last five years. I bet you already knew that." He laughed like there was some old private joke he had just remembered. "We're finally going to be grandparents. She'll probably have your eyes. I wonder if I'll ever get to meet her…"

The wind blew gently, pulling at his chocolate-brown mane. Syaoran imagined it was her hands running through his hair. A sad smile adorned his face as he continued speaking his thoughts aloud. "It was only nine years. At least, that's how long I've been traveling since I last saw you. But Fate has a twisted sense of humor. You probably already knew that too." The wind increased the slightest bit at his words, as if in agreement. "What am I going to do without you?" he whispered, despair laced in each word.

"She'd tell you to live," a new voice said. Syaoran looked up to see who had joined him. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the broad-shouldered, brown-haired man he had to remind himself was his son. Hate and distrust in those familiar green eyes had been replaced by understanding and acceptance.

Sitting down, Suzaku reminisced. "Whenever she talked about you, there was always this light in her eyes. I think it was also her way to convince me you weren't as bad as I thought you were. I still don't agree with the choices you made in the past, but as much as I hate to admit it, you're still my father." He traced the letters etched upon the marble monument. "I know 'kaa-san would be upset if she saw you here bemoaning both of your fates."

They sat in silence together, the sun sinking even lower. Syaoran finally asked, "Was she happy? At the end?"

Suzaku took his time to answer. "She had no regrets. I think she was truly happy for the times she had you in her life, no matter how painful it was. I still think it would have been better for the both of you if none of this had to happen."

"You're right," Syaoran said. "Life isn't fair. But it's what we do about the unfairness that defines who we become. I made my choice long ago, and I'm still paying the price."

"Was it really worth it? All this pain you two had to suffer?"

Syaoran stared straight ahead, a faraway look in his dull amber eyes. "I honestly have no idea. I was so sure at the time. I wanted to find a way for everyone to be happy. That was my dream. I knew the cost, and I felt that it would be worth the prize. Some days I still think it was worth everything. But over the years, I've come to realize that it might really have been impossible."

Suzaku contemplated this before he said, "The funny thing about the impossible is that when you believe in them whole-heartedly, they burn much brighter and longer than ordinary ones. It might take longer than you want, it may never turn out the way you planned. But then you begin to realize that it's only impossible when you set the restrictions yourself."

Syaoran's eyes softened. "Since when did you become so philosophical? Guess you do take after me somewhat." He chuckled quietly at the annoyed look his son gave him.

The younger man stood up, but placed a hand on the other man's shoulder as he said, "Euphie wants you to join us for dinner. And it wouldn't be wise to keep the queen waiting."

Syaoran patted the hand on his shoulder in assurance. "I'll be there in a bit." Suzaku nodded before leaving the older man to say his final goodbye.

After several more minutes of staring blankly ahead, Syaoran finally rose to his feet, but leaned forward to place a hand on the headstone. "I don't regret the choices I've made. You made me really happy for all the years I've known you. Even if I didn't get to spend most of the time by you physically, I will always hold you close in my heart. So wait for me, Sakura. I will return to you. I promise."

The wind pushed at his back as he walked away from her grave, urging him forward. As if she was giving him her blessing. The desert sand lowly swirled around, the laughter of old times and eternal promises dancing in its wake, the sorrows of yesterday a dull reminder. Like feathers of memory gently wafting as the winds of change gave reassurance to all those who would listen.

Disclaimer: Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle and Kobato belong to CLAMP. Code Geass belongs to Sunrise and CLAMP. Nerf/Hasbro owns Super Soaker. Thanks for reading!


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